Back Stateside

You remember that Beatles song "Back In The USSR"? Well what they were singing about in that song is going back to their hometown of Columbus, Ohio. And that's just what Phill did on September 1st, 2006. Just in time to see his Buckeyes start smashing other football "teams" in the mouth.

Nothing sets the mood for a good mouth smashing like the quad Script Ohio performance. And there's nothing more reassuring than your local pharmacy supporting the head coach after a good oral beating, especial if that support purports your coach may be godlike (don't get it? Go read a dollar bill chump).

After a smash to the mouth game, it's time to smash some food to your mouth in celebratory fashion. So you get a plate of nachos with sour cream and cheese that tours over your beer bottle. Then you head over to White Castle's for a burger that fits within your palm (and then commence to eat a dozen of them). Food in Ohio is foodalicious!

At the third game of the 3rd game of the year, Phill went to his first ever tailgate. It ruled. And it appeared that no REAL Ohio State Tailgate was complete without Ohio's latest craze, Cornhole. Yes, it's an unfortunate name. That's why I refused to refer to it as anything but Pillow Bite while playing it, butch up the image and what not.

Anyway, under any name called, it's a game where you throw bags into a hole that's been cut in a board. It's dead easy, and deceasedly fun. If you haven't holed corn, man you just haven't lived. Really, give it a shot. Just make sure people know EXACTLY what you're talking about when you give it rave reviews afterwards.

My friends at the tailgate wanted to make sure I remembered what America was all about, so in addition to our beer we consumed multiple hotdogs and hamburgers each before we waddled over to see the 3rd game of the season. But enough about the 3rd game, let's talk about the 2nd.

It was in Austin, Texas. #1 ranked Ohio State vs. #2 ranked Texas in a game that Phill couldn't be sitting in Japan for.

Before the game there was a tour of the city and sites like the State House were seen.

But that was nothing compared to the site of 80,000 Texans making devil horn hand symbols and chanting TEXAS FIGHT TEXAS FIGHT! And despite our fans being painted and dressed in snappy Buckeye apparel, not to mention having TBDBITL on site, I was still a little concerned about the outcome of the game.

But as our smiling faces at the end of the game show, there was nothing to worry about. Texas put the mouths out and we punched them in. It was easy as a game of Cornhole. (if this is the first paragraph you've read on this page please go back up to see the previous references to Cornhole before making any judgments)

Besides watching our boys murder their boys, there was the added benefit of getting to hang out with JP while I was in town. That guy rules (up and to the right) and I assume that's why he's making that "I'm number one sign". It could also be because there's only one bar where the Bush twins were arrested for underage drinking and we happen to be standing in front of it.

Another joy that I got while in the lone star state was being interviewed for some TV station there. My mom stopped some reporter and told her that I'd come all the way from Japan to see this game. So a short (and I'm sure never aired) interview followed. It went like this:

Reporter: So you came all the way from Japan to see this game?
Phill: Yes.
Reporter: What are you going to do if the Buckeyes loose?
Phill: I dunno, what are you doing to do if Hell freezes over?
Reporter: Cut.

That interview was especially cool after the game when hell didn't freeze over and their team didn't come anywhere near beating ours.

After the game I went down to Austin's famous 6th Street with JP and his girl and we drank some drinks and saw some sights. They were great, buying me all my drinks and also a Willie Nelson T-Shirt that said "Don't Mess With Texas" which I know wear with pride and a tear in my eye.

On a side note, let me just say that the people and fans in Texas were ALL SUPER nice, respectful, and friendly. I wont go into all the nice things that happened while I was down there (because I don't want to be typing for the next half hour) but yeah, if anybody from Texas is reading this, honestly, thanks. You were great and far outshone even my most optimistic imaginings of what Southern Hospitality would be like.

Now Texas was not to be the only Southern Hospitality I'd receive on my trip. Despite the name North Carolina can dish the SH out pretty well too, especially when it's my brother and his family doing the dishing.

Fact: My nephew and niece are cuter than yours, whoever you are that's reading this.

Me and Noah were looking at my expired driver's licence and talking about trains before eating some Italian food.

On the other side of things, Hannah and I like to read a good picture book before our meals.

Back in Ohio I met a lot of other friends and did lots of other things that aren't on this site. But it was all great and I was happy to see all my peeps again. I was so happy in fact that my joy infected the people around me and caused the to spontaneously flip and break out into fits of hula hooping. Shazam! It was magical.

So a final thanks to everyone that helped my brief stay back home come together and be so enjoyable. Word is bond.


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